Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
