Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can text with my tongue
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
