Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
