I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
