I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
