just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
