Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
