You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
