Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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