he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
