Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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