I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
