i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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