Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
