My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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