how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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