I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
