yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
