I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
