it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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