Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I believe in your delicious
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
