Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize