Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
