I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
