my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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