when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
