well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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