You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i've created a new STD.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
