hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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