He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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