I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize