Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
third nipple confirmed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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