She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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