Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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