You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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