I heard we made out
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
