got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
MIDGETS
????
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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