Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
