I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
