PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
