can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
