I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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