arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
