Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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