My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
