Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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