Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
