omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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