i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
