I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
