I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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