Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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