You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
