a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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