It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
