hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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