Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
