We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My penis needs a shock collar
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
