I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize