I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
