Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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