How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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