He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
