I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
