my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize