If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
