hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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