Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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