Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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