giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
