Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize