You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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