help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
