then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
