I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
