Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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