You made me cry and you don't even care
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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