He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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