god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
