sarcasm needs its own font
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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