just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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