I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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