It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
