i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize