Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
