She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
