she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
