I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
