It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
