Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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