i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
