Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
