I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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