i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize