Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A+ Viking dick
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
