can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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