the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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