The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
