just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
