yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
do herpes really smell.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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