He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
