Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
