honey bunches of taint.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
