when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
