I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
