I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
