This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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