He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
