Just cropdusted the office
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
