I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
