it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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