Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
