Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
